I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
