I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
