saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
