i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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