I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
