i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm just crazy horny about you
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
