Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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