Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
