In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
