i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
