Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
