i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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