my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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