U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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