hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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