The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
