I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
