these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
