We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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