I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
