we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
