I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
