Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
