Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
