I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he told me I talked like a deaf person
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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