I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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