Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life