He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
