Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
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Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
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Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
he just fucked me for my cheese.