Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
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fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
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I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.