Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
