She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We just shotgunned beers for America
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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