Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
