Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
