A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
foreskin is a definite game changer
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
