i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I stole a fireplace last night.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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