i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
