At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I want to have your abortion
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
