dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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