Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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