Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
