going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I want her autograph on my taint
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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