I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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