Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
