i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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