Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
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