My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
