Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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