Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
