I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
