I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
