i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
