Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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