Michael Bay diarrhea
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
