I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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