By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
