HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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