I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
ok first of all what the fuck
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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