She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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