Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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