Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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