dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
