I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
