great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
