Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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