Small penises have feelings too.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
