You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
false alarm, still single
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
