Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
