Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
