I can tuck mytits in my pants
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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